Excitement. Fear. Nervousness. Disappointment. Failure. Hope. Hopelessness. Determination.
These are all words that gripped me when I saw the title of the new Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies book. “Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food” by Lysa TerKeurst, President of Proverbs 31 Ministries.
Excitement at the prospect of a new study led by Melissa Taylor and the P31 OBS team. I love these studies and they ways in which God has spoken into my life through them. I have received so much encouragement and blessing…I could go on and on…
Fear at what I would learn about myself and the fear of failure.
Nervousness at the idea of change.
Disappointment to be honest, at the idea of what I might have to give up.
Failure – what I have been so many times before.
Hope that I can be a new person, that I can learn how to crave God above all else.
Hopelessness – the feeling that my attempts are hopeless and destined to fail.
Determination – this time WILL be different. This time I am different.
I have been on a weight loss journey since summer 2010 when my high score almost equalled my all-time high in 2001…this, however, was not a score to be proud of…it is one I am ashamed of.
The past 3+ years have been a mixture of highs and lows. I am definitely a yo-yo weight loss expert! I have lost over 50lbs and 5 dress sizes. I have sought help from personal trainers and nutritionists. I have been lazy, and I have over-trained. I have had knee surgery, chiropractic treatment, and physical therapy on new and old injuries. I have loved food, and hated food; loved exercise, and hated exercise; loved clothes, and hated clothes. Sound familiar?
I was blessed to meet my husband half-way through this journey and he has been a tremendous encouragement to me. As a bit of a health nut, he has helped me with food and exercise plans and walked beside me through my highs and lows, loving me unconditionally. He has got up at 5am to go to the gym with me, and he has eaten ice-cream with me when it was just time to eat ice-cream!!
On p11 Lysa talks about finding your “want to”. This is something I had to find in 2010 at the start of my journey…however it was the second hardest point. The hardest point of my journey came about 6 months ago when I plateaued at 5lbs under my initial target. I have since been hovering at or just under that mark. I’m “ok”! I’ve over-achieved really…right!? Wrong! I still have weight to lose, but the hardest part now is knowing that I can ‘get away’ with treats and snacking. In my mind, I have come so far and that allows me to think that it’s not so bad if I eat that occasional Mars Bar, or over the Christmas season, that daily helping of chocolate. I crave chocolate now more than ever, because I see how much I have achieved and my mind tricks me into settling for that.
Challenge Accepted…and this time it’s different…
I am so ready to start the Made to Crave study, because I need it. In preparing to start, I know that it is not just about over-coming the chocolate cravings…it’s about replacing them. We are ALL Made to Crave…it’s a natural God given desire…however, we distort the ‘what’. We crave the world and all that we see around us, instead of craving God and all that He is, and gives us.
This time is different for me as I seek to break through the plateaus that I have been walking on. I long to reach new levels of understanding who I am, and who God created me to be, and through doing so, reach new levels of physical health. I don’t want to walk on any kind of plateau…weight, health, or more importantly…spiritual. I long to CRAVE GOD and continue to grow daily.
This time is different because I am not just handing my weight over to The Lord…I am asking Him to walk every step of the journey WITH me. I am asking Him to replace the cravings and the weight with Himself. When I step on the scales, I don’t want them to measure my weight…I want them to measure how much Jesus I have in me…and I want the number to increase! I want a new high-score of God in me.